


I'm Here

by ClockWorkSymmetry



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 03:30:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5032063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockWorkSymmetry/pseuds/ClockWorkSymmetry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lavellan has issues. Of course she does- who wouldn't losing an arm, your friend who you made out with once turns out to be a God who effed up your tribes and made the Fade. And your husband can't do anything to help.</p>
<p>So, much angst. Pseudo happy ending? Anger, blahhh.</p>
<p>-<br/>Sooo, finally finished DAI. Posting won't be happening for a while still, but wrote this up to tide you over. Exams suck!</p>
<p>I thought of this because my Lavellan OC Miaira (me-I-rah) would probs be mortified about the whole situation, and look for comfort, but has always been ms stoic- shoulder to lie on. Cullen wouldn't know how to handle it.</p>
<p>....Yeah....?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Here

Lavellan could only stare out the small window in his quarters, her lips set in a hard line, hair pushed away from her face, shaven patch catching the lines of her vallaslin, ink and blood, as green eyes examined muted yellow glass, fading away like so much dust from her memories, the Well whispering, as always.

Her voice caught, as it always seemed to, losing words, like he always seemed to.

Once again, she stopped herself from saying what she had been meaning to for days now. “I…”

Cullen looked up for the umpteenth time to his wife, having picked up on her pensive agitation, but long learned he was unable to influence it. “…yes?” 

It wasn’t the first time he had prompted her.

She fell silent again, but this time she responded, not in words. Hot, angry tears bubbled in her eyes, and rapidly he stood, stepping towards her, even as she jerked away, jaw setting. “This shouldn’t be happening.”

What could he say? What should he say?

“I don’t want this. I never did. All I wanted was peace.”

“You have it.” “Do I?” Lavellan turned to him, jaw clenched, hands twisting about the stub that was the once-elbow of her left arm. “So much I’ve given. So much I’ve lost. So much I’ve yet to do- to no avail. A man I once called friend betrayed me- our people, simply because he believes the world is at fault. He took my ability to save others away- let alone myself. I stand here, living at the mercy and pity of my husband because my clan would abandon me, no circle would take me, no friend would comfort me. I’m too much of an icon. Too much of a threat.”

A bitter laugh, and she turned again, staring out the window. “Here I am, then. Lady Inquisitor Lavellan. Miaira. No-one calls me that. You rarely do. Why do you even want me? You hate my kind. I’m a mage, Cullen. I dabble with the fade far more than any should, talking to spirits, communing with the past- I have centuries of elven whispers in my head, demons always just out of reach- and, I can’t give you what you deserve.”

“I…am an elf. I am disfigured. I doubt I could give you children.”

Cullen reached for her, his hand gentle on her back as he stepped behind her, lips meeting her temple, gently kissing away her tears of frustration. She shuddered, leaning back into him.

“Why?”

“I love you. Isn’t that enough?”

“My love is dangerous. Another you could love for far less a price.”

“The price makes it worthwhile.”

She turned then, staring up at him, looking into his warm, weary eyes. She sighed, then pressed her forehead to his chest. “I’m sorry. I…”

“It is no crime to be vulnerable. No sin to be weak.”

“That isn’t what you said when you wanted to take lyrium.”

Cullen slowly looked down at her, and she stared resolutely at his chest. Quiet filled the room for a long moment, before she stepped away. “You love me?”

“I do.”

“Would you stop me if I tried to leave?”

“…I don’t know. If you wanted that…I would hate myself, but let you leave.”

“Why? Because I’m the Inquisitor?”

“Because I respect you. Because you’re my friend, and my wife.”

Lavellan regarded him, and turned once more. “You’re a coward, Cullen. You don’t take what you want.”

“Should I be Corypheus then?”

Lavellan turned to slap him with her free hand, but he caught it, and gripped it hard, his mouth hard as they stared at one another. She broke first, starting to weep openly, and he gathered her into his arms. 

“I can’t say anything that will make things better, Miaira. I can only say things that make things worse. I try, though.”

“You’re…you’re….!”

“I’m here.”

And that was enough for the moment.


End file.
